I have been forced to take a different direction for a bit in my blog. I am really struggling with the state of popular music today, especially its lyrics. Last summer, I wrote a post about listening to the radio. Now, I am starting up a series of just all out assaults on pop music and why sometimes these songs just make me want to drive my car into a pole. Below are the lyrics to Jennifer Lopez's On the Floor. Below that is my commentary. Enjoy!
[Jennifer Lopez:]
Dance the night away
Live your life and stay out on the floor
Dance the night away
Grab somebody drink a little more
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la
Tonight we gon' be it on the floor
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la
Tonight we gon' be it on the floor
I know you gotta clap your hands on the floor
And keep on rocking work it up on the floor
If you're a criminal kill it on the floor
Steal it quick on the floor
On the floor
Don't stop keep it moving put your drinks up
It's getting ill it's getting sick on the floor
We never quit we never rest on the floor
If I ain't rolling I may die on the floor
Brazil, Morocco, London to Ibiza
Straight to L.A. New York
Vegas to Africa
Freak it off kick it up
Raise the roof wreck the dancehall
Rip these walls light it up
Make some noise ohhh
I cut out the rap by Pitbull and the various choruses to leave this masterpiece of lyrical writing. Now I will take a few minutes to explain why I want to puncture my ear drums using sharp metal stakes every time I hear this little ditty on the radio.
The Chorus - It really isn't that bad. It gets the point across to the listener. This song is about having fun, dancing, and drinking. Straightforward. Some la la la's to get everyone happy. I mean who doesn't like a good la la la?
Verse 1 - Shit starts getting real wacky here. I am with JLo on the first two lines. The next two just baffle me in a way that I struggle to understand. If you're a criminal kill it on the floor. Steal it quick on the floor. Ummm... What the hell is she talking about? If you're criminal kill it on the floor? Has anyone ever used that as a phrase before? And then that gem of a line is followed by Steal it quick on the floor. I give her points for trying to keep the metaphor alive, but come on now. That is what she decided would be the best way to describe dancing? Then she follows those lines by severely dating herself through the use of ill and sick. Hey JLo, I think Tag Team is looking for their lyrics back. Maybe she can release her next single with the Quad City DJs?
The last lyrics in this verse is where I absolutely lose my mind when I hear this song. Please for the love of God, someone give JLo a freaking map. A geography lesson. Something. Let me lay this out for you. Brazil - South American Country. Morocco - African Country. London - European City. Ibiza - European City. L.A., NY, Vegas - North American Cities. Africa - A whole fucking continent. I hear this and my mind explodes. I just do not follow the logic. Country, country, city, city, city, city, city, continent. WTF?! Why such a haphazard listing of places? If you say the continent of Africa, isn't it implied that Morocco is a part of that, so why would you list it separately? Why no Asian or Oceanic representation? I mean Asia is 30% of Earth's landmass and 60% of the world's population. How do they not have one city listed? Flabbergasted. Yet, America has 3 cities and Morocco is so cool it gets two shot outs.
The Final Snippet - Finally, JLo ends the song with such buffoonery that it is difficult not to laugh. She suggests completely renovating her dance space through lifting the roof, taking out the walls, adding lighting fixtures, and overall destroying the place. Well naturally if you remove the walls you are probably screwing things up pretty proper like. Usually removing walls means the roof will fall and not be raised, counter productive to what she is trying to accomplish. Plus why would you want to light it up still? Removing the walls should provide enough natural light into her newly designed dance space.
She concludes with make some noise ohhh. Well obviously. The building is collapsing around you per your request JLo. I would make some noise too. It would be along the lines of "Get this fucking wall off of me and why did I come to a club that plays shitty JLo music all night long!? And then we actually take the lyrics literally to wear we get shitfaced and actually tear the building apart!?"
And with that I conclude this week's segment of asinine lyrics.
Until next time...
-Justin
